Wednesday, May 23, 2007

jerry: where are you?

It's been fairly impossible over the last week to watch the news or read the papers or surf the net and not see Jerry Falwell's sheepish grin looking back at me. Or to read about what a great guy Old Jerry was. Newt Gingrich practically cried a river of tears about Jerry's demise and said "All his life, Dr. Jerry Falwell bore witness to the Truth, secure in the promise that the Truth will make us free." (for more of Newt's 'tribute' click here, if you can stand it.) Prez Bush got all heartfelt and mushy and praised Falwell for having “lived a life of faith” and for calling on “men and women of all backgrounds to believe in God and serve their community.” Um yeah.

Of course, the airwaves and the ink press and the world wide web have also been brimming over with comments from people who aren't all that torn up that Jerry has "left the building. My personal favorite is this rager by Bill Maher (be warned: it's, um, colorful, to say the least.)

I guess everyone has their own SLANT on this one.

I surely have mine.

So yeah, Jerry, I know you believed in the afterlife, so listen up. The fact is that I'm just not going to miss even one thing about you, except maybe that you always provided me with a little bit of "juice" to work hard on those rare days I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I could always count on you for a some hate-partner motivation I guess. But there is a little more breathing space on earth now for pagans and abortionists and feminists and all things homosexual, and while I know some other right-wing fundamentalist whacko is waiting in the wings, I'm still glad that my own beloved queer community (and all the aforementioned freaks you claimed were responsible for 9-11) will no longer be subjected to your homophobic rants disguised as God-Speak.

There is one bit of information I could use though, because I think it will answer that ever-elusive-drive-you-bat-shit-crazy-keep-you-awake-at-night BURNING (no pun intended) question: "what happens when you die?"

The information I am seeking comes in the form of a question:

Where, exactly, ARE YOU right now?

Are you sitting comfortably in a plush throne next to your Maker in Heaven, Who is congratulating you on a life well-lived, and Who is thanking you for "bearing witness to the Truth"?

OR are you, at this moment, looking like a red-snapper hotdog that spent too much time on the end of a stick hanging out over a blazing campfire? Are you, in fact, feeling the heat in that proverbial "lake of eternal fire"?

Because here's the thing. I am well aware that we are all gambling here on earth, so to speak. I operate my life, my values, my moral compass on a certain system of beliefs that are DRASTICALLY different than yours, Jerry. And while there are precious few things that I can say I am completely sure of, I can say with 100% confidence that I am sure of this: where ever it is that you ended up, I am absolutely guaranteed to end up in the exact opposite place. So if I could just have some inkling, some CLUE at ALL about from which angle you are watching me now(are you looking up at me Jerry, or are you looking down??)then really, my own Eternal Destination Point (if such a thing even exists) will no doubt cease to be a mystery.

Jerry...where are you?

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