Sunday, August 03, 2008

the wind down

loved the 1:00 am massive thunderstorm that plowed through portland this morning. i may have actually slept through it if oscar hadn't jumped on my chest and burrowed himself under the covers after an especially loud clap of thunder. once i was awake though...wow. threw on a sweatshirt and went outside on the porch and watched the show for at least a half an hour. it was...fantastic. and then crawled back into bed and was lulled back to sleep by the amazing sound of the rain. (and as i sit here type, type, typing away, another one is rolling in. it's just *pouring* rain outside and i love. it. oscar has again managed to dig himself under the covers and is curled around my feet at this moment. i can feel his tail thumping around like mad, his very-good-imitation of The Cowardly Lion on full display. he's *such* a Scaredy Cat. i am utterly amazed he mustered the courage to catch Poor 'Ole Fritz.)

this afternoon i'm heading to Shapleigh...and I'm going to try and soak in the next two days at home for all their worth. my mom is feeling good and this will be the first real quality time we've spent together since she's been out of the hospital. my oldest niece (see: Heirs), who's working at a summer camp, is home for the weekend, and this is our last chance to hang out together before she's off to college in September. (the fact that my baby girl is a soon-to-be freshman in college is worthy of a post in and of itself. it's been rolling around in my head for awhile now. stay tuned.) we won't have our entire family under the same roof again until Thanksgiving, and after everything we've been through with my mom, i am acutely aware of how precious that is. im going to savor every minute of it.

and so i am on the tail end, the wind down, the back side of my time away from All Things Work. i've been trying desperately not to count backwards (you know, in 72 hours i'll be an Official Professional Queer again), but it's kind of impossible. i'm glad i added an extra two days to the time off, but M. was right...two weeks would have been ideal. still...i slid right into vacation mode from the beginning, and it's been, for the most part, medicine for my soul. hopefully i'm regenerated enough to jump back into the fire and get the work. done.

mchottie remarked the other night "you know if i won the lottery i would leave medicine in a minute and still find plenty of things to do." i get that. boy, do i ever. in My Perfect World, with a winning lottery ticket in my pocket, i'd cut a big check to EQME, i'd set my mom and dad up BIG TIME, and then i'd...hmmm...find myself a radical radio station and become The Next Rachel Maddow. and write The Novel. yes indeedy.

but hey, you gotta *play* the lottery to *win* the lottery, right? and no one is given the keys to The Perfect World, clearly. i cannot complain. i've spent some time over this last week or so really looking at the world around me, and while i still have some holes to fill, i've got a pretty rich life. i just need to learn how to balance (and/or separate) work from Everything Else. i discovered this vacation that i'm pretty fond of the Darlene who isn't carrying her Professional Queer Card in her pocket all the time. who isn't constantly making lists and then working like a dog to cross items off them. who can close her eyes at night and not have those same lists running through her head. i've had a very deep sense of...hmmm...inner peace...since about Day Two of this vacation, and i don't want that to disappear completely come Wednesday.

anyway...those are my early morning thoughts. a fresh cup of coffee and the New York Times crossword puzzle are callin' my name now.

here's a sampling of what's playing at The Slant House this morning. john mayer's cover of 'free falling', a song that always reminds me of long ago and far away, and driving my old toyota corolla, with DB next to me and her beautiful little boy singing his heart out in the back seat. mayer's version is just lovely.

happy sunday y'all.

1 comment:

Dawn on MDI said...

I'm not sure you're the kind of person who can separate her professional work from her personal life. Your professional work is something you have very deep, personal passion for. It is a part of who you are. I would argue that that is ok, but that you should perhaps take more time out to nurture yourself lest you burn out. Any machine or piece of equipment needs regular maintenance, including down time. Make it a part of your life to do that kind of stuff for yourself. Yeah, I know. That's a lot easier said than done. But it sounds good, doesn't it?