Monday, September 08, 2008

swallowed up

if you hadn't noticed, this time of year tends to swallow me up and away from all things recreational--like, for example, writing on the slant. i am buried at work, more than ever it feels like. and life in general has been so up and down lately, i am dizzy from trying to stay balanced. i feel the tug of the blog, wanting so much to write and yet not having my thoughts in any order that would make for an interesting read. but--i am starting to get emails, notes, and phone calls from friends asking "are you okay? you aren't posting...what's going on..." so here i am, with just a few tiny minutes to type, type, type away a few random thoughts that were rolling around in my head when i woke this morning. i'll try to be better about posting.

but mostly, let's just say that reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. or as the matriarch likes to say, "don't pay the ransom, i've escaped."


oh canada?

as busy as i've been, i still managed to watch nearly every televised minute (at least in the evenings) of the national democratic convention. and then watched as much of the republican convention as i could stomach, kind of in the same way i watch horror movies--peeking through my hands which were almost always covering my face. in my lifetime, aside from maybe 1992, i have never seen a more stark contrast between the two candidates ( and their running mates) for The Most Important Job on the Planet. and I know we always say this about *every* presidential election, but i just don't think the stakes have ever been higher. seems to me we are on the brink of utter doom, and while neither candidate is flawless, and while neither candidate possesses the Super Powers to magically fix it all, AND while it is common knowlege that i am True Blue Dem, it just seems to me that the choice is obvious. at least with Obama we have a fighting chance. McSame? forget about it. I can't even believe that 25% of the people attempting to survive among the ruins of the Bush Administration are 'undecided' about who to vote for. My. God. i have made jokes in the past about moving to Montreal or Toronto if things don't go my way on November 4th. But McCain-Palin? it's becoming less and less of a joke. 'cause i don't think i have the intestinal fortitude to survive that administration.

and oh gawd i am just so offended by McCain's selection of Palin as veep, especially if she was chosen to try and lure in some undecided women voters who were initially supporting Hillary. give me a frigging break. it demonstrates in living color how disconnected the GOP is with women's issues. wow. it takes your breath away. and if there is a single Hillary voter in this country who is considering supporting this Joke of a Ticket, shame. on. you. Palin is looking more and more like the female version of Dick Cheney, minus years and years of experience. She feels dangerous to me. And the Dems cannot repeat this often enough: a heartbeat away from the presidency. insanity.


little girl

my baby girl samantha is now officially a college student. i spent a day with her before she drove away to a whole new life, and it was wonderful. we laughed and waxed poetic about all the amazing memories we've made together, and i savored every minute. when i was leaving, she wrapped her arms around me (this from a kid who was never much of hugger) and said "i love you auntie darl. thank you for everything you've done for me. i'm going to miss you the most." it felt a little like dorothy and the scarecrow, and it was a most precious moment.

there are four stand-out events in my life that i hold higher than any others: the sox winning the world series in 2004, maine won't discriminate defeating The Evil Ones in 2005, and the birth of my two nieces. it boggles my mind to think that this little girl whose childhood filled my life with beauty and laughter and magic is now "out there on her own." i sent my sister a card that arrived in her mailbox on the very day Sam drove away, a picture of little girl on a swingset, legs kicking to the sky. all i wrote on the inside: "regarding samantha: well done."



a wonderful, beautiful friend of our family, a woman who in so many ways is like a second mom to me, has been waging a war with cancer for the past fifteen years. she is a brave, beautiful soul, and it appears that she is losing the fight. she is especially close to my mom--truly, one of my mother's dearest friends. the forty or more years that my mother and Grace have been friends is not nearly long enough, for either of them, and my mom is already beginning to feel the unspeakable void that will be left in Grace's place. there is such sadness in my mom's voice when she talks about Grace (how fitting a name for this jewel of a woman.) we used to wish for her to have the strength to fight, the strength to win the battle. now our wishes our much simpler. we wish for her to have a day without pain. a restful night. my mom said last night on the phone, "i just hope and pray that she goes quietly, in her sleep, and i hope her last dream is of the rolling fields in shapleigh, and of all her children, and that they are happy and peaceful dreams." so call a friend, dammit, and tell them you love them. it sounds ridiculously sappy. i can tell you my mom wouldn't think so, at all. we are often so oblivious of time, and so cavalier with it, as if we have it to waste. if we don't recognize and value and savor those people in our lives who enrich us and bring us joy, we are just damn fools.

i see a safe journey Gracie.


Dawn on MDI said...

's been a rough morning, what with fundraisers for my tools and such, but this piece touched me well. Already vulnerable, it moved me deeply. Well done.

Jenna said...

Somehow you figure out how to switch and move my emotions for paragraph to paragraph. From anger to to warmth and smiles, to tears, you do move people.

As an FYI, I have friends who HAVE been moved by the nomination of Palin and ARE voting for McSame now. Sigh. What to do. I am going to email you a link to a blog.

MRMacrum said...

It is the Samantha's and the Gracies that turn your concern in "oh canada" into hope. What the clowns in DC do becomes less signifigant with folks like them in your life.

Glad you stopped in. But I kind of felt you had fires eleswhere to put out. I seem to remember you mentioning a few weeks ago about how busy you were about to be.