Tuesday, November 18, 2008

empty

in four days, i will be taking a week off--a vacation imposed on me by a compassionate boss who knows i would probably just work right through the holidays because hey, there is that. much. work. to. do. don't even think about showing up here next week darlene or i swear to god i will take away your keys and lock you out of this office. ha. betsy knows me well.

during the months building up to election day, our pace was so frenetic--just constant movement, endless hours, and no time to "shut down". these past two weeks following election day have been a different kind of frenzy. planning every next step with detail. literally mapping out a work plan for the next three months, week by week, day by day, hour by hour. sunday night monique and I sat in my office, both of us physically exhausted, but our minds wide awake with ideas that were pouring out of us so quickly we couldn't write them down fast enough. it was--amazing. a frenzy, indeed.

i so love the work, the energy and inspiration that comes from working with brilliant, dedicated, passionate people who believe in the rightness of the cause with their whole hearts. it is invigorating and challenging and the rewards so beautiful. honest to god, it is an honor and a privilege like none i have ever experienced before. and yet...oh how it drains you. and i am currently running on empty.

so i know this time off is truly necessary. it's just--hard for me to let it all go. i thought about bringing a pile of postcards home next week and just entering data while i watched movies, but that idea was quickly dismissed by betsy, monique and matt. i don't know if they had a secret meeting behind my back, but their "you-need-to-leave-every-bit-of-work-behind-for-a-week" talking points all sounded very, very similar. good for them...and most especially, good for me. it's nice to know someone has your back, holds your best interests in their hearts. those are the moments when you feel cared for, appreciated and loved. mostly you feel grateful. and i am.

if i were a cartoon, my thought bubble would look something like a massive swarm of disturbed bees flying every which way with no distinguishable pattern. just thousands of little dots zigging and zagging all over the place, destination unknown. no shit. i've got to fix that, and quick, because 2009 will require strategic, clear thinking and unrelenting amounts of energy. it will require the very best--of me.

i miss meditating and i have been so undisciplined about it. when i don't do it, i feel...unanchored. adrift. i miss blogging too, i miss those lazy, agenda-free mornings when all there is to do is light a fire, put a billie holiday CD on, and sit with a cup of coffee and my laptop. oscar and willie curled around my feet. i miss my family, my mom and dad, my sister, my sweet nieces.

next week, i will visit all that is missed. medicine for the heart, mind and soul.

and then i'm going back to work, and we're going to kick some serious butt.

2 comments:

MRMacrum said...

Definitely sounds as if you could use some time to decompress. I think you have a wise boss.

Anonymous said...

...and the posse misses you too, koko.